


The Talk.

by Geminisister



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Gen, Humour, Mystery, Sex Education, Sexual References, bad language, inuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10908018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geminisister/pseuds/Geminisister
Summary: The Weasley Twins head off to share some time with Arthur, their father, unbeknown that a Weasley family secret is about to be revealed, that will shock them to their magical cores.





	The Talk.

**Author's Note:**

> Author Notes: Thanks to Sandra-Sempra for her assistance with beta work.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer  
> Not making any money from this work. Do not own anything to do with Harry Potter but JK does. Just playing with the Twins for my own enjoyment.

The Talk.

Arthur Weasley reluctantly picked up his briefcase and closed the door of his tiny office in the Ministry of Magic and apparated home. He landed with ease, and headed towards the front door. He could already hear the buzz of conversation and bursts of laughter. He smiled, looking forward to seeing his family, as the children would be returning to Hogwarts on Monday. All save for Ginny, their youngest, who was not due to go until the Autumn. 

Bodies hurled themselves upon him immediately once he emerged through the door, and he in turn hauled them into his arms for a hug. With much back slapping and affectionate words, he wiped his eyes as he turned from his children and embraced his wife, Molly, enormously, then kissed her on the cheek.

"Dinner's ready love," She automatically said as she patted his cheek with affection. She turned her head and gave a silent nod towards the twins . From their many years together, Arthur understood her meaning instantly, and nodded. He closed his eyes, reconciled to having to take his son's aside for that "talk".

Dinner was a busy affair with plates full of food being passed from hand to hand, and Arthur was glad to be eating and conversing with his family. That is until he cornered the twins on their own.

"Fred, George?" He beckoned with a crooked finger and in a low voice enquired. "Are you two free to give your old dad some help tomorrow?"

George and Fred glanced at each other before responding in unison. "Course Dad," They said .  
George added, "We have arranged."   
"A Quidditch game with, “Fred continued.   
"Ginny, Ron, Percy and Bill," they finished together. 

Arthur laughed and shook his head. "Perhaps I better leave it till Sunday afternoon. I know your mother wants to go to Diagon Alley to pick up odds and ends before you all head back to school. I am sure she is taking Ron and Ginny with her, so you two can help me out. That is unless, of course, you prefer to help your mother?"

The twins’ faces showed identical looks of horror, and quickly agreed to help him on Sunday afternoon. They both shared a smug expression, knowing they now had a legitimate excuse not to go shopping with their mum and younger siblings.

+++

Arthur sat down on his bed and sighed. That had been the easy part, and he was not looking forward to Sunday afternoon.

Molly followed him in and firmly closed the door, then waved her hand, using wandless magic to silence the room from anyone overhearing them. A most useful spell she had discovered shortly after her marriage. It had saved many red faces and embarrassing conversations. 

"How did it go?" She asked coming to sit alongside her husband.

"We have arranged to meet on Sunday afternoon when you, “he paused and looked at his wife, “I hope are still going to Diagon Alley with Ginny and Ron?"

"Yes, yes." She nodded and agreed that her being out of the way would make it easier for him to have a talk with the twins. "Don't worry about Bill or Percy, I have had Bill get permission to show him around Gringotts, in case Percy decides to go into Banking."

"That's my Molly Wobbles." He said with a chuckle as he patted her hand before leaning in for a kiss. "The door is secure?" He asked.

"Secure as Gringotts and we shall not be disturbed." Molly flicked her wand and Arthur flushed red as his wife magically removed their clothes with one swish.

"Ahh, you were always so good at charms, my love."

"Forever the charmer, Arthur Weasley." Molly chuckled before she had her wicked way with him.

+++

Sunday rolled around all too soon for Arthur. The weekend had been so good up until the moment Molly had Floo'ed away after much cajoling from both Ginny and Ron, who had not wished to go. But Molly bribed them both with the promise of a treat.

Bill and Percy had left earlier in the day leaving the Burrow completely empty of Weasley's, apart from Arthur, George and Fred.

"Fred, George..." He called out, trying to discover where the twins were located. Thundering footsteps were heard from overhead, then the sounds of whoops as the twins competed with one another to be first down the stairs. Their loud shouts, leaps and clattering of feet echoed throughout the house.

"Boys, boys!" Shouted Arthur above the din as the twins slid across the wooden floor, having both jumped onto the rug at the bottom of the stairs. Without magic, they used their impetus to carry them over the polished floor to stop in front of their waiting father.

With cheeky grins and eyes flashing full of mirth, the twins announced. "You called father?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and shook his head as he could not help but grin at their antics. "You boys never stop, do you?"

"No dad!"

"Come with me..." He wanted to ensure privacy for his 'talk' with his sons, and led them out into the garden. He turned and ignored their questions about what was going on. "Listen, what I am about to show you must on NO account be revealed to anyone, especially your mother!" Arthur glared seriously into his sons’ faces, and stood until he got a nod from each of them, then their words of agreement. "Good, now follow me."

George and Fred communicated silently back and forth as they had done since they had been born, and perhaps even before that. They were so in tune with one another that they knew what the other was going to say or what they thought. It also saved time and energy with needless words.

Both remained puzzled, and could not figure out what their father was up too. They both agreed to go along with what he had asked, however, and agreed that it could turn into some adventure. 

"Look,". Arthur said as he magically revealed what was hidden in plain sight behind his garden shed.

"Where did," began Fred, "You get that" continued George, "car?" they finished together.

"I have been tinkering with it for a few years. Finally got it to work and...." Arthur's whole body was tingling with pride, joy and excitement. He revealed his biggest secret that not even his Molly Wobbles knew. "It can fly!"

"Wow!" The twins moved up close and touched and caressed the vehicle with undecided pleasure. They were in awe of the car as much as their father.

"You did this,". Began George with a thrill in his voice. 

"All by yourself?" Fred finished as awe struck as his brother. Both turned their glittering eyes at their father. Together, they said, "We are impressed Dad. Can we go for a drive?" 

He, in turn, beamed with pride and blushed at his son's undoubtable praise, knowing that his own excitement was reflected in his twins’ eyes. He had not taken it for a proper test drive and perhaps he could kill two owls with one spell.

Arthur squeezed into the front seat with George and Fred. They had refused to be separated, so all three sat in the front. He had much hand slapping to do to keep the young enthusiastic wizard's away from their prodding and poking of every instrument, knob, and items inside the car. Once he had managed to get the boys to calm down, he took off the handbrake and turned on the ignition. 

He revved the engine and soon, they were moving along the grass and had come out from behind the overgrown ground and out into the front yard of the Burrow. He flicked up a switch that the twins eagerly read out. 

"Fly". Then repeated the word until they were up in the sky. "Fly, fly, fly!"

Arthur chuckled at their enthusiasm and began to show them how to fly the car. They swapped places and soon both of his sons had taken turns at the wheel.

"Must be in the whatsit things the Muggles call it!" Arthur smiled smugly.

"Genes, Dad!" The twins replied.

"Yes, that's the word!” and Arthur repeated it incorrectly, "Geans."

Arthur took control of the wheel from Fred as they circled the Burrow a final time before bringing the car down into a slow descent. He landed lightly on the grass before driving the car back around behind his garden shed. He had insisted that the car, when flown, should remain invisible at all times. 

“Remember, not a word to your mum, and either myself, Charlie or Bill must be with you if you want to take the car out for a spin. You must never try to drive her on your own." Arthur warned, and the twins nodded firmly in agreement. What Arthur didn’t see were both their hands hiding behind their backs with crossed fingers. The twins were about to get out when he asked them to remain.

"I enjoyed our test drive boys, but I asked you to come out with me today without the others as I need to talk to you both."

George looked at Fred and both sets of eyes opened wide with terror. "Dad, you don't need to." They said, faces turning red to match their hair.

"No, no, no.... It's not THAT!" Laughed Arthur, and was glad his twins were smart and knew about the nargles and the Puffskeins, but this conversation was going to make them so much more uncomfortable than that little talk.

The twins sighed with relief and sat back in their seats. "No, this 'talk' is for us Weasley men only. It does not happen in other Wizarding families." Arthur pondered thoughtfully, "Well I don't think it does, never heard about it in any other Pure Blood family line before."

"Heard of what?" The twins asked in unison and both began could feel the color drain from their skin. Their dad being serious about anything, and by him taking them aside like this, both knew that whatever it was about, it was very important.

"Now Fred, George, I wish you to remain silent. What I am about to say to you is difficult enough to explain, but at the end I shall answer any questions." Both boys nodded and listened.

The boys’ faces throughout Arthur's 'talk' changed from pale deathly white to a heated flaming red and every shade in between, including green.

Arthur raised his wand to ensure privacy. 

"I had this same talk given to me by my father. He, in turn, had been given this same talk by his father all the way back up our family bloodline to our ancient ancestor, Merlin."

He smiled as he heard the gasps of surprise from his sons. Bill, Charlie and Percy had all gasped upon hearing that tidbit of information as well.

"In ancient times Wizards were few. Merlin wanted his blood to spread throughout the world and passed certain magical strengths onto his children. We Weasley's all come from one son of Merlin. He was most prolific in breeding and raising healthy children with strong magic." Arthur was sweating and rubbed a handkerchief across his face. 

"The Weasley males are very fertile, and this is the reason for my talk to you, George and Fred. Both of you need to be aware of our unique problem. Sadly, in our case, EVERY Weasley male of age to be mature enough to have congress with a witch or wizard.... results in Pregnancy EVERY single time!"

The twins’ double inhales of shock made Arthur wince knowingly, and he squeezed their arms lightly before continuing. He knew there would be questions. His sons always had questions, and thankfully, this being the fourth time having this discussion, he had enough material - he hoped.

"There are many charms, spells, and potions we often use in our Magical world to protect witches from conceiving children. Our seed is so strong that it takes only one entering the witch or in our case, even a wizard, to result in pregnancy. LET THIS BE A WARNING."

Arthur squeezed his sons’ hands. He remembered how difficult it had been for both Charlie and Bill. Percy not so much, as he had admitted not being interested in witches, as he had been too busy studying. But for both Charlie and Bill it had proved difficult as they had always been popular with witches, and had found this Weasley gene to be a curse rather than a blessing. Arthur decided that he had to offer more information to Fred and George as he was aware of their popularity at school, and the quidditch team also had a female following, he was sure.

"You can still go out with witches and wizards, that is your choice. They may wish more from you, but I must warn you to be very careful. Unless you are sure that this choice is the one you wish to bare your offspring, then do not proceed with any form of sexual congress. The only safe way is to refrain from any form of..... activity."

The twins were both stunned, they sat with eyes as big as saucers and both had gone deathly pale. Arthur knew for his sons to remain silent like this meant they were both in shock at learning this news.

"Do you have any questions?" Arthur asked softly.

Both boys shook their heads vigorously and remained silent and colorless. He removed a bar of chocolate from his pocket and broke it into three equal sized pieces, handing a third to Fred and George, then popped a cube of the chocolate into his mouth. He needed it as his energy was low although, he would much prefer a tumbler of Elf Made whiskey.

Arthur decided they had heard enough for the time being, and knew they would ask more when ready.

"Come on boys, out you pop. Think your Mum and the others will be back soon, so hurry up.” He allowed George and Fred to get out of the car before drawing them into a fierce hug. He knew this news had shocked them down to their magical cores. 

He could still remember as a young man how upset he had become when he had found out the family secret. He had slipped up with Molly, but no one really noticed that Bill had arrived inside the nine months after he and Molly had married. There was so much going on at the time, and as they had been blessed with a healthy son, the timescale had gone unnoticed. But he wanted his sons to be safe.

+++

The conversation at dinner was kept by the excitement from Percy's visit to Gringotts. He was very enthused about Bill's work, and said he would be interested in learning how the Bank operated. Ron and Ginny added to it by informing all who would listen about the new animals in the pet shop. Then Ron gushed over the latest broomstick in the quidditch shop window. Only Molly and Arthur seemed to be aware of the twins near silence.

Molly glanced towards Arthur on serving up dessert of sticky toffee cauldrons with hot chocolate sauce. She handed him his plate and he mouthed an okay and smiled weakly back at her.

The twins sat down on their bed that night in silence. They had an arm around each other and shared in the conflict at the news that their father had inflicted on them earlier. They both had thought that after the summer, they would be snogging every witch they fancied and touching those that allowed more than a quick feel behind the quidditch stands or in secret or shadowy corridors late at night

"Fuck!" They said in unison and then both added, "we are both not getting screwed any time soon!

They sat quietly for a full five minutes.

Then their dour expressions were instantly transformed, eyes brightened and gleeful smiles began to burst onto their faces. They had a revelation!

"Granger!" They exclaimed with delight.

A scribbled message was furiously written, first by Fred then completed by George. They gave the parchment to the family owl and urged that it was dire.

The twins laughed uproariously at their idea and gave each other a high five. They just hoped Hermione Granger, a muggleborn witch, could help them out, or they were both going to remain virgins for many years to come.

+++

Fred and George cornered Hermione the next day on the Hogwarts Express and frogmarched her into the cramped toilet.

"I hope you came up with the muggle goods?" Asked Fred who moved Hermione to sit on the closed toilet seat.

The twins stood over Hermione and watched as she removed a couple of muggle books from her shoulder bag. 

"I brought a muggle sex educational book given on my tenth birthday from my mum. It provides lots of useful information about various methods and forms of contraception. It is laid out in simple language suitable for a child,” She looked up from her bag and blushed. "Sorry, didn't mean to imply you are stupid, but the text is easier to understand, so read this one first, alright?" 

Both boys nodded, their faces flushed as much as hers. "Then read this one. It is more of an adult book. My mum let me read it for educational purposes, so please be careful with it. Make a copy of it and return the original to me later."

George took the book and flicked through it. His eyes grew round with shock and he gasped, having just seen an image of two muggles having sex. 

Fred had glimpsed the page and paled. He gulped with astonishment that muggles allowed such books to be published. 

"It's got pictures?" The twins gasped.

"Yes," Hermione closed the book titled The Joy of Sex and suggested they read it later. She asked with an inquiring look on her face. "Why do you need all of this muggle stuff?"

"Muggle Studies project!" The twins announced.

"Hmmm, I am sure there is more to it than that." She raised a quizzical eyebrow, then thrust her arm deep into her bag and brought out a box. "These are muggle condoms." She flushed red. "Just read the small print, if you need more let me know."

"Thanks Hermione!" George said drawing her up into a hug.

"We will repay you one day." Fred said with a wink, as he joined in with a three-way hug.

"Remember to keep this our secret?" The twins requested in unison.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, I shall." She was rather pleased. The twins seemed to be sensible in researching safe sex, and they had not been joking around either. Perhaps they were growing up a little?

+++

Three years later......

Arthur was aware of his twin’s new product, but did not dare bring it home to try. His Molly Wobbles would be shocked, and would wish to post a howler to the twins immediately. Instead, he thought it best to keep silent and she would probably and hopefully never discover about the boy’s new line of muggle-made magical adult range. Not at least till the twins had left school.

The twins had used Hermione Granger's muggle items to create more efficient, stronger and magical condoms. They were strong, durable and would not break. They had managed to create a one size fits all members and rather enjoyed testing the items with no negative results. Or in the Twins’ case, no positive ones.

End  


**Author's Note:**

> The Talk  
> BeyondThe Book Nook April 2017 Winner   
> Best Plot Twist and Tied for Best Mystery.  
> Runner Up Best Angst, Runner Up Best Comedy.


End file.
